A woman on my healing journey, holding space for others on theirs.
Together we are rewilding our souls; remembering who we are in the web of life on earth, rekindling an apprenticeship with grief and reclaiming a nurturing relationship with the seasons and cycles of life. As we unfurl, we restore the gifts in our souls and contribute to the wellbeing of the earth in our own unique ways.
But it hasn’t always been that way…
From a very young age I felt there was something terribly wrong with me. I struggled to conform to expectations of me – caught between the urge to follow my heart and the need to please those whose love and acceptance I craved. This raging battle within spilled out onto others as I struggled to tolerate and contain the overwhelming feelings I’d never learned to understand.
In my late teens I sank under the strain – my spirit broke. I was consumed by anxiety, feared everything, took salvation in sleep and felt enticed by an endless one… The fighter within, tenacity somehow intact, clawed me back to the surface and knew no better than to run. Run far and fast and never sink again. Of course it didn’t take long for the cracks to appear…
This time my body took the hit. After another five years (and a lot more running) this body break was labelled “chronic fatigue syndrome”. My body and my spirit were exhausted, my heart clamped shut. All my energy had gone into the fight, none left for me. I had worn myself out in this never-ending internal conflict.
What I now know is that it’s always darkest before the dawn
Somewhere along the line creativity found its way back into my life, I began to play again, to draw, to write, and the first tendrils of life began to unfurl in my heart. I met my husband-to-be who somehow saw past the sword and shield wielding half-crazed warrior, to the woman within who had been waiting patiently all the while, hand outstretched, calling me back into the embrace I’d longed for my whole life.
The journey back to myself began, and continues still
It has involved three years of intensive personal therapy while I trained as a dramatherapist – surrendering to the unknown, finally facing that dark shadow that had been nipping at my heels for so long, reconnecting with myself ritually, creatively and symbolically.
I have become a mother twice over and ridden the incredible, devastating, powerful soul-change that comes with it. I’ve awakened to the climate and ecological crises; raging and grieving and eventually accepting (and then spiralling through it all over again). I’ve planted my bare feet more firmly into the earth – allowing the rest of nature to nourish, heal and whisper sweet wisdom into my soul.
I’ve pulled back layer after layer of wool from my eyes, seeing more and more clearly every day
I see now that there was never anything wrong with me. But there is a lot wrong in the world. So much of the trauma and pain in the world comes from a woeful lack of real community, ritual, relationship with the rest of nature, ancestral connection, and everything that comes with them – a sense of rootedness and belonging, unconditional love and compassion, unwavering self-worth and self-knowing, values that turn us towards life and love at all times.
When I close my eyes and join with my breath I hear the cries of the earth and I renew my resolve to do what I can to help her heal and transform our world into the peaceful, compassionate, life-sustaining one I dream of.
So here I am
Honouring the gifts of my soul, channelling my energy and creativity into my calling – doing my bit to heal the world by empowering women like you to reconnect to yourselves and the earth, and rise into your callings. Together we are raising a better world from the ashes of the old one.
Here’s some ways we can heal ourselves and heal the world together…